I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
