Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize