her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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