Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
