You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
