Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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