I hate all girls vehemently.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
third nipple confirmed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
