I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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