On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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