Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
