last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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