We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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