Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
two words...techno handjob
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
