Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The adults are the big ones right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
