Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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