He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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