Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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