HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
