So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
