when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
