But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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