I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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