dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
