would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
