She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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