I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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