I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
