so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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