Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize