He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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