Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize