i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
