Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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