spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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