New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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