U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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