this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
