I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
