We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need a beard to bite.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize