she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
