He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize