So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
everyone is single if you try hard enough
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
