What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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