Duck Duck Cougar?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
