I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
