what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize