look no pants
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize