I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
