Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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