i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
