if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Enjoy the penises
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
