The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
