You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
