I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
