Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
