And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
