I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
