His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize