Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
