well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
