Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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