I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
