Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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