Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
