Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
