my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
