YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
