Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize