now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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