Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
