i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
