getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
