Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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