I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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