yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
50% drunk capacity currently
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
