Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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