I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
