She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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