did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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